Outlook on Life & Death

When there is silence and my mind is occupied with free time, I tend to wander down the path of morality, time, and existence. By that I mean I ask the questions humanity has too many answers for: What is the meaning of life? For thousands of years we have explained it with religion, science and a variety of other mediums, but frankly nothing seems to have a clear & reasonable answer. Religion is too broad and specific at the same time; there is never an answer that doesn't contradict every other one out there. I rejected my initial Lord and any others I've seen because, really, if they're so mighty and powerful, why hasn't one God proclaimed himself the most powerful? Why are there so many tinier factions when there should be peace under one Lord? Would he not have pity on those born into cultures where his word is non-existant? No, I look at religion as a sense of comfort. And with Science, what does it all answer? We can determine our species for as long as we want, look into the minute feature of our organisms, but there is no explanation for intelligence, or a definition that truly explains what is what.

Science, though, seems to be the basis for all those atheists like myself who look around for answers. For about four or five years I have slowly become unattached from my former Lord and sucked into the world where you are alone. My mind is just that--mine. I draw my own conclusions on fate and death, with that being when I encounter death, I stop. My thoughts? Nothing, complete nothing. It would be as if a man became disintegrated and there was nothing left to bury, with even the ashes disappearing into earth. For those who are used to the comfort of the idea of an afterlife, jumping to complete nothing is scary.

So, how do I maintain my sanity? If a man knows, or believes rather, that he will completely stop all function and that all the thoughts and what-not will dissappear, how can he stay comfortable with his life? I have not adapted to any idea of "Enjoy Life to the Fullest," but rather, day by day, get lost in my thoughts. Sometimes I even think that I might be going a little crazy. Maybe I am. It's a crazy, though, that I seem to be used to. Through my abyssmal thoughts I have developed a "FTW" sense of humor and attitude. I grow to enjoy life because I fear nothing. If I find myself working at a convenience store in my far future but I'm still able to listen to my music or watch the world go by, a smile should be laid across my face. The thoughts of nothingness may sadden me, but I smile more when I'm doing what I love. Until then, though, my moments of silence will be all for me, periods where I can zone off miles into the distance, looking at nothing in particular and thinking about everything I can.

I've heard some music from this guy named G.Love and he has some band called the Special Sauce. I'm not so sure if he's still popular, but I remember at least within the last year he was cool with the "dude-guy beach group". You know the types: they tried being surfer dudes, but they barely know how to surf and just listen to all that "grooving" shit-ass music. First of all, G.Love sounds like he's trying to be about 20 notches too cool. Sing with a normal voice, douche bag, you're not Ween. The scary thing, though, is he probably is trying to sing with the voice he does. It's fucking terrible.

Continuing on about the beach dude guy shit...there's nothing I hate more than surf-guy dude-guys. Now, surf guys are cool; usually easy going people who just like to "ride the waves". But when you add the "dude-guy" combination into the entire equation, it equals ugly. Then you have little fairies with their backwards Red Sox caps and Abercrombie & Fitch polo shirt talking about "the awesome waves" at whatever shit beach they go to that really doesn't have awesome waves. Look, man, this is the Northeast; we're not some type of surfing mecca. Our "big waves" are not big, not even close. Maybe if there's a hurricane off see, but really, are you surfing then? And if you are...well, I think nature will do what's right then.

G. Love, though, does not annoy me like people such as Atmosphere, Brother Ali, I Self Divine, etc. Yes, some are good lyricists, and yes, the music can be cool sometimes...but it seems like all the same people do the same beats. They're all fucking the same. I believe this is because a lot of these rappers just use the same producers and shit, but still, it's fucking rediculous. Why does every fucking song need a high-pitched woman singing in the background? Anyone who's ever heard any of those rappers--especially Atmosphere--know what I'm talking about. It's all the same fucking sound.

I'm sure I'm very contradictiontacular right there, but I don't give a fuck, it's Friday and I'm almost home. So shut the fuck up.

An Introduction.

"Me against the Whole World? It's a little deeper."

Recently I was just hired to a company that doesn't need a name on this blog--don't worry about it--and on the first day, I was told my work is pretty "mindless". Great, I thought, and not even close to sarcastically; the last thing I want is to be mentally strained and dead at the end of each day. As a result of this "mindless" work, my supervisor informed me to take little breaks so I don't go crazy and specifically said "If you want to blog, you can". Now, I have tried writing blogs before and, frankly, I sucked at it. I tried to make it some holier-than-thou type of thing where I'm pitting myself as your God damned savior.

Not so much.

Frankly, I just enjoy writing, and with a medium like this there really are no confinements. If I want to talk about my day like a lass, I can. When something pisses me off--or make me hard like a rock--you'll be sure to read about it here. And, hell, maybe if I'm feeling creative I might put up a haiku (a-ha). If you enjoy my style of prose, I think you'll enjoy this blog. And if not...well, I've never been against reading my own shit :D